Just as quickly as someone enters, they can leave. People make mistakes. They disappoint. And you’re left with yourself. Being alone is unbearable when you’ve enjoyed a reprieve with togetherness. I believed in the power of companionship. What I did not know then was that no one can heal you. You must learn to be your own company, your own cure. You cannot retreat into someone else for fulfillment. The above passage is from Janet Mock’s latest book, “Surpassing Certainty: What My Twenties Taught Me”, an absolutely sensational narrating of Janet’s coming to herself as a young trans woman of color in Hawaii and New York. But this isn’t a review of the book, which I do highly recommend. It’s been a while since I read an entire book in a matter of days, if that means anything. But I’ll leave it up to you all to read it and love it for yourselves. This post is much more personal than that. Which I guess is a sort of homage to the power of Janet’s writing, that she can force me not only to face my own heartache and brokenness, but to speak on it. Publicly. To get me to actually practice the commitment I made to myself earlier this year to lean into vulnerability again. [breathe] So here goes.
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Have you seen the clip from Doubt of three trans women, played by trans women actors, sitting in an outdoor cafe, chatting and existing plainly? If you haven't, no worries. Doubt is/was a CBS show that barely premiered before it was cancelled. In fact, it was cancelled after only two episodes. Later on, they decided to show the remaining filmed episodes and I finally caught up with them on Sunday. I actually wouldn't have even known the episodes were up if I wasn't following Laverne Cox, Angelica Ross, and Jen Richards on social media. If you want to check the clip out, follow this link. Thanks Angelica for posting it.
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